and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
