i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
