I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
