apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
