Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
