My liver just broke up with me...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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