2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
