I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
