im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
