I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
