my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
