I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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