the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
