I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
