By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
