oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
