Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
