i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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