marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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