He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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