My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
