I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
