She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
