Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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