I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
