Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
