Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
