So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
