I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
