i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
