Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
