I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
