Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
