"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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