Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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