Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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