The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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