I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize