I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wear drunk well.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
