I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
