His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
