I skipped work to stalk him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
