I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
