i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
