Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
