So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
