Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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