dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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