we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
