Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize