we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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