You're completely useless in the revolution.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
