I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just cropdusted the office
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
