Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
