I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
