Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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