i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
