I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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