You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
