she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
