Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
