Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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