My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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