it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
