I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
