i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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