I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
