It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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