do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
