I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
