a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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