he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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