Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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