If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
