So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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