At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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