im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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