Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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