I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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