either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
