It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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